Giving God Control

There's not much going on here today. I've been resting from a hard weekend. On my way home Saturday night, I was taking a client back to his group home when he had a seizure. He was in the front seat of my van and we were on a VERY busy and FAST interstate. It was also really dark outside but fortunately we were about a mile or so from the exit. Once we got off the interstate, I was within a few minutes from his home so the staff that was there helped me with him. It was a difficult time and it took quite a while for him to come out of the seizure. But the good thing is that I now have "on the job training" for how to deal with his particular situation. He will be moving to the home that I work in within two weeks so this may be common for me to participate in. Last weekend, one of the lady clients I work with also had a seizure. It was scary both for her and for me.

This is NOT what I had pictured for my life as far as a "career" is concerned. Actually, I have never really thought about a "career" because that's just not where my heart is. I'm a HOMEMAKER, a MOMMY, a WIFE. I've always wanted to write...for children mostly...but that is as far as a career has ever really gone. I used to teach preschool and I thought that IF I was going to have a career outside of my home, that's where it would be AND I'd write my own curriculum and stories to go along with that.

Working with special needs ADULTS is a FAR stretch for me. I don't know what God has in mind for me.

It seems that whatever I have planned out for my life NEVER works out the way I imagine it to be. Not that my life isn't GOOD, it just doesn't work out according to MY PLANS! It's kind of like when you let a little toddler or preschooler "help" you with a chore. I've often let my little ones "hold" the mixer when we were whipping up some recipe while all along, I REALLY was the one who had control of the mixer.
That's how I feel. All along, I feel like I've got control of my life and THANKFULLY, God is really the One who is in control.

Lately, He seems to be throwing all these weird things into my path...things that I would NEVER have chosen but is somehow guiding me to be a better person. He is shaping me into someone, possibly, that He can use IF ONLY I WOULD LET HIM!

Last night we were at church and the new pastor from the church where my husband served as youth pastor many years ago was a guest in our church. My husband introduced himself to the pastor and his wife and I stood by feeling awkward. My husband loved serving as youth pastor and only gave it up because of his late wife's emotional needs. But from everything I've ever heard, they made quite a couple. She was very good in sign language and gifted in playing the piano and singing. They sang specials together. I just feel awkward. And tall. And chubby.

A good friend that attends Roger's old church called me the other day and was telling me that the NEW pastor was talking about Roger and his late wife. Although they had not yet met, he was saying what a blessing they were to the original pastor. Then my friend said that we should come for a visit to the church. Immediately, I thought "Oh...how uncomfortable that would be for me!"

I immediately compared myself to THEIR ministry and I felt that I came up short.

How often do we do that? We compare ourselves to the ministry or talents that God gives to others and we feel like we can't be a real "part" of the body of Christ because we don't have the same talents! How often do we give up doing something for God because we don't feel as if we have anything to give? I wonder if we really ever know sometimes how we are impacting other people's lives just by being loving or giving and being ourselves!

I don't know WHAT God has for a ministry for us...Roger and myself...but I know that RIGHT NOW God wants me to minister to our own family. We have eight children between us and three in law children and those precious grand babies...already here and "on the way." I have been hoping and praying and praying and praying that God would allow us to adopt a toddler or preschooler soon. I even have storage boxes full of clothes JUST IN CASE He gives me my dream of adopting. But I have to realize that He is the one in control of our lives. He is the one who puts the ingredients into our lives. We are the ones who have to allow Him to make it what He wants it to be.

Ultimately, I need to give control over to Him and allow Him to work in my life making me what He wants me to be. He always knows best. (But that isn't going to stop me from praying and praying and praying that God would give us a child or a sibling group to adopt. There are so many children in need and HEY, I have an empty bedroom!!!!)