About Me

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Indiana, United States
I'm a mother of five of my own children, very blessed adoptive mommy to one, step mother to three! Married to a wonderful man who forgives ALOT! Grammy to 6!I also have the best "kids in law" that I could have! I am blessed to be able to baby sit for our grandchildren a few days a week. I am blessed to be able to NOW stay home full time to take care of our home, children, and grandchildren!!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sunday evening, I made some sweet biscuits and heated up some applesauce. To the applesauce, I added just a little bit of the cinnamon apple jelly and then piled it on top of the hot buttered biscuits. My husband has never had that before and he thought it was delicious! Kind of like a hot applesauce shortcake instead of a cold strawberry one!

My mother used to make that for us when we lived on our small farm. We had so much to choose from when it came to preserving our food. We had an overabundance of apple trees, a cherry tree and walnut trees at the back of our little farm. We had cows, a few pigs, and lots of chickens and a big rooster named Barney. (I think we named him after Barney Fife...??) We had a huge garden where we grew most of our vegetables. We had horses and ponies to ride. We had kittens in our barn and a few dogs to romp with and pet bunnies to hold.

We got our fresh milk from which we made butter from a little tiny old lady that lived close to us. It was amazing to go to her house...it was like stepping back in time. We would sit in her parlor while my mother was with her in the kitchen. I would just look around at what I considered treasures. I am sure that most of her things came from the early 1900's or late 1800's. My mother told us not to disturb anything...but we were allowed to play with a Chinese checkers game. She had an old porcelain doll that must have been hers as a little girl. I tried very hard not to touch it...sometimes I succeeded.

Her house was tiny...really nothing more than a two bedroom shack and she lived there with her son...who was himself fairly old. She had quilts and afghans and little tiny doilies all over her parlor. I know now that the doilies were to cover the holes in her furniture. The room wasn't very well lit... they may have had electricity but the house was so old that it probably had only one light in each room. The outside of her house was surrounded by flowers and garden fences laced with vines.

Her name was Mrs. Blacketter and she lived a very simple life. It seemed to a little six or seven year old girl like she was living in the pioneer days. I thought it was beautiful. I knew that house had a lot to be desired and was even falling apart in some places but she was such a different kind of person than I had ever met before. This was a time when the Vietnam war was going on and our pastor would preach against "hot pants", hippies, and women's lib. I didn't really know about those things personally but I knew that this little old lady was different and it fascinated me. I think she was happy with what she had and satisfied with the money she made from selling milk.

I guess it comes back to contentment again. I remember that her house was stiflingly hot at times because of course, she had no air conditioner. We didn't either, come to think about it...we had "cross ventilation" also known as open windows! But how wonderful it was when fresh air was blowing in the house allowing the scent of honeysuckle and lilacs drift into our bedrooms. This of course was when the wind was NOT blowing from the south...there was a large pig farm about half a mile up the road...But we didn't know that we were missing out on anything. When we finally get a window air conditioner, we didn't know how we ever did without it!

I heard a missionary who was in the states on deputation talk one time. He said that he was taken to a "Super Wal-Mart." He and the pastoral staff took a few steps into the store and then he asked if he could leave. The pastors questioned him about it and he said that he and his family lived under such meager conditions on the mission field that for him to "window shop" in a place like Wal-Mart could only lead to discontentment in his life. It would do him no good and only do him harm to spend time wishing for things that he would never have.

I had the same kind of experience last night. My husband and I had joined a big retail discount club when we were adding on to our house. Now they send us these exclusive members only catalogs. On the front of that booklet there is a beautiful sectional sofa. I picked the catalog up and immediately said, "Oooohhh, I'd love to have that!" Then I flipped through a few pages and repeated that phrase a time or two every time something caught my fancy. Then I stopped and put down the catalog. I remembered that wise missionary. I don't need anything...nothing. If I continue to look at those "wish books" I can't imagine that it would lead to anything but discontentment.

Yes, there are a few things in our home that are tattered...but they still work. We don't HAVE to replace them! Our refrigerator is becoming a topic of a joke in our house. Sometimes when we open it, one of the shelves in the door flies off dumping whatever may have been stored there. Sometimes our ice maker doesn't work correctly and leaves a big clump of ice in the container. Sometimes it works too well and we have ice stuffed into almost every nook and cranny in the little freezer. Sometimes it just decides to deposit water all over our kitchen floor. SOMETIME it will need to be replaced but not today. Our joke is about contentment. Every time one of us complains, we laugh and remind each other that there are so many people in this world, in this country, in this state....(I'd include our town but I'm pretty sure that we have the worst refrigerator in our town...you'd just have to know our town to understand....) that would love to have a refrigerator that works fairly well most of the time. Sometimes we say, "OK, can we just take it to them when we get our new one?" Then we laugh. We are trying to learn contentment and let it be that things aren't exactly the way we want them to be all the time. It doesn't seem like a joke but we always end up laughing when we're done complaining. Then I feel bad that I complained.

It might take me some time Lord, but I will learn. Thank you for making me a more grateful person.

Monday, June 29, 2009

My Lack of Contentment

I have been so blessed by other ladies' blogs. I don't follow that many but those that I do seem to have a kindred spirit to mine. I sense some real appreciation for what they HAVE and do not seem to be dwelling on what they DON'T have.
I was not able to attend church yesterday because I wasn't feeling very well (feel better now) but my husband was telling me a little about the message. Part of what he carried away was about contentment. I think that was more of a side note in the sermon but being content is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.
I'm not sure if lack of contentment is something that I really struggle with...but sometimes I wonder if I am deceiving myself. No, I don't have to have all new clothes from brand name designers...but I DO make trips to the Goodwill store quite frequently! My house is jam packed with STUFF...stuff we don't need...things we can do without. Sooo....why do we have it?
Am I just not content with what we have?
I wonder sometimes if I have a problem with faith. The Bible says that God will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory.....so why do I feel sometimes that I have to have an overabundance of things? Things in our pantry...things in our closets...things sitting all over our house...
When the Israelites were being fed by manna from heaven, they were supplied just what they needed for that day...they could gather enough for the Sabbath day but anything they "hoarded" would go bad before they could eat it. They had to rely on God's provision every day...for that day.
That manna was wonderful...it tasted like honey and as if it were prepared with olive oil. Yet eventually, they became discontent with what God had provided for them. How much am I like that?
It is so easy to judge the Biblical people since we have 20/20 hindsight. I'm no better than they were.
I'm not saying that it shows a lack of faith when we preserve our garden's produce or find bargains in the grocery store or buy in bulk to save money. I'm not even saying that it is wrong to buy a month or two of grocery items at a time...I know that this saves us lots of money because we go to the grocery store less often and are able to avoid the "impulse" purchases. I often buy cases of goods at Aldis and then don't have to spend the time or gas to go back to that store again for quite a while. I do think God expects us to be good stewards of what we have that He has provided through our hard work...and that of our husbands' hard work. We need to be responsible in our spending and responsible to God and to our husbands...or fathers in some cases.
However, sometimes I feel like I'm not trusting in God to provide for us IF I'm buying all those items as a "security blanket." Maybe no one else ever feels that way. I guess it's a fine line to walk...being frugal and providing for my family....or trying to provide for my family without thought or respect to God's future provision.
I had no intention to write about this today as I sat down to our computer. It was supposed to be "light". I guess God was speaking to me as I was writing and made me realize that I need to WALK in my FAITH...not just talk about it........

There was something else that God spoke to me about today. I was cleaning out our OLD van...(Yes, God, I'm very thankful for it and content with it...in fact, I really kinda love that old van...I remember what a blessing it was when I first got it!! ) Anyway, something in that van reminded me of a person who doesn't necessarily treat me very well. I felt a shock of self pity come over me and I thought, "I'm really tired of being treated that way..." IMMEDIATELY, I had a soft voice whisper to me..."And how did people treat Me at Calvary? Are you better than Me that you should always be treated well?" It certainly brought me back down to where I should be. It isn't easy EVER for me to allow someone to talk to me in a disrespectful tone...I expect it will always be hard for me to not become angry about it. But I have never been beaten or crucified. I've never had to bear the weight of the sins of the whole world...including my own.
I've never had my Heavenly Father turn away from me because of those sins cast on a perfect being. I've never had to suffer the anguish of the cross.
I guess not being treated right...or being misunderstood or talked about...is something that I can handle...with God's Grace.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Going to the doctor....Michael Jackson's death

So....I went to the doctor today concerning the possible exposure to the fungus that causes histoplastosis. Not a big deal but she wanted me to get a chest xray. I'm going to wait a while on that since our "good" insurance doesn't take over until July 1st.
The doctor didn't seem terribly concerned. I think she was MORE concerned about the fact that I was messing around with old horse manure...she just doesn't understand. I guess doctors don't like to get their hands dirty. She wants me to throw it away. I told her that it was already on my garden and I'm not about to throw out my beans. Good grief!!!! haha

Come to find out, it wasn't completely decided that the fungus actually came from the compost heap that contains all the old horse stall waste. So, after initially getting a little nervous, I've calmed down and am going to see if I actually have any symptoms! No fever or flu like symptoms. Just some asthma but that's normal for me this time of year.

I think our household...teenage mostly...is more shaken up today about Michael Jackson's death. I know that as a very conservative Christian mom, I'm not SUPPOSED to like that kind of music but that is what I grew up with. You've got to admit that he was a very talented performer. Some of his songs were incredible and beautiful. He was also very interested in humanity...something that we all could stand to be a little more interested in. (Especially Christians....)
We all know the accusations that were against him from time to time and YES, there were some pretty strange things about the poor man. I honestly think people used and misused him. He had some very very sad times in his life and I just felt sorry for him.
Whatever we thought about him personally, his music was incredible and he was a man who, if he hadn't accepted the Lord, needed the Lord. But who could get close enough to tell him?
I think that's the saddest thing of all.

Garden Problem???

Well, I was so proud of my garden and the way I was treating the soil...so maybe it wasn't such a good idea! (My veggies do look really really good!!!)
My older brother called my dad last night to inform him that the place that they got the old horse manure had a rather serious "incident". A worker there was found collapsed and thought to have had a heart attack. Instead, it seems that he has histoplasmosis from the pile of old horse manure. Most likely, bird or bat droppings were originally in the stalls of the horses and since it has been moved around lately, the fungus has become airborne.
I have been feeling pretty yucky this past week but figured it was just because of the heat, etc.
I have really been working with that soil and even planted some more tomato plants in soil treated with that "fertilizer."
So, I'm going to call my doctor and see if I can be seen.
The cost of my home grown green beans has just gone up........

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

School enrollment and just stuff!

Yesterday was a pretty busy day with lots of different "kid" things to do. One exciting thing we did was enrolling my girls in school. Normally, I would really HATE that day...I have always felt as if I was relinquishing them to the public school system. However, yesterday I enrolled them in Pensacola Christian College's home school program. I am REALLY happy to be blessed to be able to take advantage of that program. I was concerned about teaching my daughters as they grew older...especially since one of them is in high school. I knew that my education was not extensive enough to teach them Algebra. When I was in high school, Algebra was not even required. With this program, she'll be able to graduate with an accredited diploma! She can take classes not offered through Pensacola and still get credit if they are given by other colleges and such.

So this is to me, the best of both worlds. I can have my girls home with me being exposed to what I want them to be exposed to and still have a thorough education. It's not as if they are totally ignorant of what goes on and what life really is like. They are fully aware of what happens in the world. THAT is why my highschooler made the decision to be home schooled for the rest of her high school years. She just had had enough of the language and the information that is in front of her all the time. She has LOTS of friends...her cellphone is constantly ringing or notifying us of her text messages but she doesn't feel like she wants all the rest of the "high school" situations in her life all the time.

I haven't tried this video school (actually it is streaming from the computer) before so I am sure it will be something to get used to. I am grateful for the need to be accountable to someone else besides just me as well.

Further update on the new kitten. Well....Harmony the cat STILL hates Trinket. In fact, she hates all of us right now. Poor cat, I really didn't think she would react this badly. Hopefully, with time...?????

The garden is looking great. We had a few tiny tomatoes yesterday! They were the little cherry type and were a beautiful orange color. They were really sweet and not as acidic as the red ones.

The bunnies ate the rest of the blooms off my zucchini plants...I thought I had one left but they found it, too..... Oh well...there are usually an overabundance of them around Indiana when they're harvested...perhaps there will still be some zucchini bread baked in our home anyway!!

It's a beautiful but very hot day today...we have many 4H projects to work on and I have been babysitting grandchildren! We went to the park and took fun pictures. The water fountain wasn't working correctly and squirted all over the place! Dylan, five, thought it was hilarious and got totally drenched. We did get pictures of that!!!

I love being home most days and sharing in the life of my favorite people! Very grateful for what God is doing in my life.

Gotta run...chicken on the stove - I'm making supper for my newly expectant daughter-in-law and my son! (She's not feeling the greatest today!)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Garden Update!!

I have lots to do today, TB test, homeschool meeting, 4H meeting, babysitting sweet granddaughter....
BUT FIRST...an update about my raised bed garden!!
I planted some of it last Monday, a week ago today. Friday evening, there were just a few beans peeking up in the soil. By Saturday evening, some were literally three inches tall!!!! Absolutely amazing! I had no idea they would grow that quickly! Today, Monday, they're really getting big and their leaves look nice and healthy.
I have two beds of green beans...I read that I can plant more in a smaller area if the soil is good, so I am trying that out this year and seeing how it will work. The old horse manure must be working wonders...I wonder if that's what "Jack" used when he planted his beanstalk!

On another note, we now have a new little kitten!! We were visiting my two brothers' homes in the country yesterday after church...(wonderful to see them again...need to make a greater effort to do that!) We live in opposite corners of the county and it takes about 40 minutes to each other's homes....not a LONG way, but not really close either. Anyway, we came home from my older brother's house with a new kitten! Her name is Trinket and she is creamy white with gray ears, tail and paws. She has blue eyes and looks like a Siamese but she's not...as far as I know. (Her mama is just a gray barn cat.) She is related to kitties that we had years ago when we lived on a small farm about an hour south of here.

The self appointed queen of our house, Harmony, a long haired almost two year old cat, is NOT appreciating the new arrival at ALL. She is very upset and I am trying to be sweet to her but she is not having anything to do with us right now. I'm trying to give her extra attention and treats but it isn't helping at all. Hopefully she will come around but until that time, we are just keeping Trinket safely away from Miss Harmony. I might let Harmony come upstairs while I clean our room...she can lounge on our bed and feel "special" for a little while! Poor girl, she just doesn't understand! How COULD we do such a mean thing to her???? Our big dog, Precious, on the other hand, is really excited about her new "baby." She is a german shepherd/collie mix and is so gentle. She's so sweet to puppies, kittens, chinchilla's (did I spell that right? yeah, we have a pet chinchilla named Charlie...Precious lets Charlie climb all over her!)

Well, a really nasty storm looks like it's brewing here in Indiana. The skies are black once again...nice for my garden right now but its getting kinda old... We've lost several shingles on our house.

A huge clap of thunder just exploded outside and I'm sure Precious puppy is about to have a heart attack...she needs to find a table to hide under so I'd better get her downstairs with me!
So long for now!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I was driving my 16 year old daughter home from a party last week when we struck up a conversation. I don't really remember how it started but I was telling her how much I appreciated her and her values. Earlier she had texted me to tell me that she was ready to come home...fairly early...because she wasn't quite comfortable there. The girls who were having the party were "privileged" and lacked nothing monetarily but they were lacking in other aspects of their lives. Jennie wasn't really sure what was going to go on and she just didn't want to be there. Thank God...literally....
She actually left before they ate...and before the birthday cake...so she was hungry. I told her I'd be happy to go to a fast food place and get her something...and she quickly agreed.
Afterwards, we were headed home and I told her how much I loved her and that if I had lots of money, I'd get her anything she wanted. She laughed and said, "I don't want anything except this chicken sandwich!"
I thought about it for a minute and then said, "I'm glad I don't have LOTS of money because then you wouldn't be the way you are."
I probably would have spoiled her...and spoiled her siblings along the way. She appreciates everything she gets. Sure, she has different tastes than I do and sometimes I pick out a skirt that she really thinks is horrible...but she is not demanding. I appreciate THAT!
You might think that I am bragging, maybe I am, but I'm not intending to do so.
This dear daughter of mine is not perfect...we have our disagreements from time to time but I am so happy with how she is turning out. Currently she is driving me crazy asking me to sponsor another child from a third world country.
Recently she decided that she would go for two days...maybe it was 36 hours...and not eat. She asked permission first and told me that she wanted to know what it was like to truly be hungry. She sat at the table with us for meals but didn't eat. She didn't make a big deal of it...she just didn't eat.
Everything that is important to her right now centers around helping children in Africa. I remember when she was just a little girl, she was up late with me and an info-mercial came on our tv about sponsoring a child from another country. She cried and wanted to do that even then.
My little missionary.
I know that God gave her the heart that she has but I think that if she grew up with everything at her fingertips she wouldn't be as responsive to His tugging of her heart.

I think that there have been times in my heart that I was so much more appreciative of things that I was given than at other times. When I was a single mother, we didn't have a kitchen table. We prayed about it and just did without for a while. I was working in a Christian daycare and one of the ladies there said that she had a table that she didn't need anymore. I was just thrilled! To be honest, it wasn't very pretty...but it was perfect for us and given to us out of love from the lady and from God. It was just right for us to use and for my children to do their crafts on. How we appreciated and loved that old table! And loved God even more for giving it to us!
Over and over again, God supplied our need.

There were times that someone did something secretly for us and it was a blessing.

Other times I would find a five or ten dollar bill in my purse or pocket that I had never missed but suddently had turned up when I really needed it.

One day, I found a FIFTY dollar bill that was given to me for Christmas by my parents. I didn't know that I hadn't already spent it but there it was, in the Christmas card just when I needed it.
My daughter was attending a Christian school at the time and told of it during prayer and praise time. The teacher was unimpressed. He said, "It was only fifty dollars." ONLY FIFTY DOLLARS??? That was a huge amount at that time in our lives. I don't ever want to get to that mentality and overlook a gift from God...or anyone else for that matter.

I guess that's why I started this post with the word "appreciation." Sometimes when we have a lot of things, we don't appreciate what we get. (Like those little "miracle" finds at the Goodwill Store!) When we have everything we think we need or want, we are actually robbing ourselves and possibly God of those miracles and blessings in our lives. I honestly think I'm happier and MORE CONTENT with less. I KNOW I'm actually more content with less. It doesn't seem like it makes much sense, does it? I can actually be happier with less...to do without some things. I need to find a way to fully convince myself of that and learn to share the blessings that God sends my way...sometimes I need to pass them on to someone else!

The other day I found our "Blessings" book that my children and I wrote when I was a single mom. I documented every wonderful thing that God did for us...that I was aware of, that is. (I realize that He does wonderful things for us all the time that we aren't aware of!)
It was a real joy to relive those experiences once again. Then I wondered, "Where did that joy go?"
It just seems like I'm not as appreciative now as I was back then. Seems like I've gotten used to His goodness and mercy.

Once again, I have some forgiveness to seek from my God. Thank you, Lord, for your matchless Grace.....

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Raised bed garden

I'm very blessed to have a husband that is so happy to please me...that sounds selfish but I don't mean that in a selfish way. I know that I don't ask for much usually, I'm pretty content most of the time. This past weekend and last night, however, Roger really put forth a lot of effort to make me happy even when he was tired and had planned to do something else instead. I appreciate him so much.

He built me raised beds for my garden. He nailed up stakes all along it and stretched and stapled chicken wire around them to keep the "rascally rabbits" away. I know that it pleased him just to please me...and that makes me really happy. I'm so grateful for the man that God gave me!

I have done a lot of research online about raised beds and I've also checked out other bloggers' thoughts and pictures about their gardens. (I love those Christian ladies and their gardens!!)

This year we are starting out fairly small and are hoping to add more next year and put up a little picket fence around the garden area. We have one raised bed that was in existence before that we usually plant tomatoes in and now we have two more just for green beans. The information that I got from a gardening site said that we can plant a lot more in a small space IF we used a better soil. Since I don't have an unlimited amount of money to spend, I have had to alter their "recipe" for the soil they recommended. I bought a very large bag of peat moss, some organic topsoil and some vermiculite. I then drove out to my parents' house and picked up a lot of two year old horse manure.(uhhh the manure is two years old, not the horse!! hahaha) I mixed all of it together and it looks like a very good soil to start my plants out in this year.

I know that it is a bit late in the year to start a garden but in this area of the country, I should have plenty of time to harvest a LOT of green beans as well as tomatoes. An old man that my dad knew years ago told him that in Indiana, if you put your seeds and plants out by the 15th of June, you still be able to "make garden..." So that was my goal...to have all my plants and seeds in the ground by the 15th.

I'm very excited about this new adventure. I don't think that this year will be terribly cost efficient although the soil and the additives really didn't cost much at all. The canning jars are a different story! However, I was very blessed to find canning jars at the Salvation Army for 1/2 the regular price a few weeks ago. Most of the small pint jars were 22 cents each and the quart jars were, I think, 43 cents each. I do have several boxes of jars from years ago that I have saved. I'm sure that I will still be saving some money this year even counting in the cost of the canning jars but the nutritional gain will be even better than the money saved. I know what is going in the jars and freezer bags! The following years, Lord willing, will be better years as far as the cost is concerned since I will have already spent the money for the jars and all I will have to do is buy the lids.

I DID splurge and buy some really cute jars for jellies! I made some orange marmalade last week and I have them lined up in one of my windows...just for now so that I can admire my work...(oh dear, is that pride? I don't mean for it to be...I just love looking at them!) I was planning to give the marmalade as gifts but my daughters are not at all fond of it although my husband and I love it. I've decided it is something that you love or you hate so I might just keep it for us and make and give strawberry or apple or grape jelly as gifts! I also tasted some incredible pepper jelly the other day!! Wow was it ever good! Very unusual!

There is a gentle rain falling on my little garden this morning...I felt like a new mother as I stood at my back door looking out at the little raised beds..."I hope they'll be alright!"

Well, I'm off to the store and to get a TB test for my part time job...so, as Tigger would say, TA TA FOR NOW!!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Gardens, Garage Sales and the Goodwill Store

I'm so excited! My father just gave us some wood to build frames for our garden and I'm hoping to finish it up this weekend. We've planted our tomatoes, peppers, squash and zucchini already and just need to complete the raised beds.

I'm really excited to think about canning some vegetables and preserving jams this year. Last Friday I put up some marmalade...it was a little harder than I thought it would be but it looks sooo pretty and I think it tastes good! (My girls aren't terribly impressed with it but my hubby is...so that's a good thing!! He couldn't believe that I could make it! :) )

Friday evening I attended a dinner party and pepper jelly was served with cream cheese and crackers. OH MY GOODNESS!! I can't believe how good that was! Pepper jelly is the next new thing I am planning to try to preserve!

I don't know what it is about preserving food for your family...and to use as gifts that is so exciting! It's just a wonderful feeling, isn't it?

So, hopefully we will be able to finish the raised beds this weekend. We also are blessed to be able to attend a wedding of a friend's son AND there are neighborhood garage sales close by!!(Gotta love those garage sales! Even better than the Goodwill stores!! And that's saying something!!)

I AM SOOO BLESSED TO HAVE A HUSBAND WHO IS ALSO MY BEST FRIEND WHO ENJOYS THE SAME THINGS THAT I DO! We have such a good time together when we are out at garage sales and "hitting" the goodwill stores...especially on their half price Saturdays!

Well,I need to sign off.... I have LOTS to do......

Sunday, June 7, 2009

When my prayers don't "go" anywhere

Sometimes when I pray I feel as if my prayer doesn't go anywhere. I'm never really sure why...but it just feels that way.

I'm sure that God hears EVERY prayer that one of His children pray. So why does it seem like it falls flat on the floor?

I've wondered that so often...is it something I've done? Is there sin in my life that is affecting my walk with God? I know that God hasn't turned His back on me...His promise is that He will never leave me or forsake me. So, why do I get that feeling that my prayers haven't gone anywhere?

I've come to the conclusion...maybe I'm wrong...I'm not a Bible scholar...that SOMETIMES God want us to really call on Him...to bear our souls...to come to him with no pretense or pride, to come to Him fully aware that we can do NOTHING on our own-reliant on HIM for everything...as a little child is completely helpless alone. TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!!!

That's what happened tonight. I prayed from the depth of my soul, out loud, in front of people.
I'll admit it...as my turn approached to pray, I was "rehearsing" what I'd pray about. I guess that's not necessarily wrong, to have an idea of what is on your heart and what you want to seek God's face about. So I started out, thanking God for this and that, praying for this family, then our family until the realization came to me. I NEEDED TO BE PRAYING FOR ME. Not for material needs, job needs, health needs...I needed to pray for spiritual needs. God filled me with the truth that I needed to start praying FOR SOMEONE to change....ME! Change my sinful heart, my selfishness, my lack of faith sometimes. Change my ATTITUDE! In praying to the Lord to change other people, I've completely disregarded the need to change ME. Perhaps by God changing ME, I might find out that others might not need to change so much.

I'd been feeling a bit like my prayer doesn't change anything. Where's the answer that I've been looking for? Where is the big change I've been expecting to happen in other people? Why hasn't God worked the miracle in other people? Possibly God has been trying to work a miracle in ME.

I entered God's Throne Room tonight. I felt like I was right in the middle experiencing God's undivided attention. I honestly don't think I've experienced that kind of a prayer experience for quite a while in my life and THAT'S A SHAME. He has been there, waiting for me all the time.

Friday, June 5, 2009


What a lovely day it is today! The temperature is close to perfect! Tomorrow is camping night with a family reunion in the afternoon. My husband and stepson are already there, my children are with their father for the weekend and it is just me at home with the dogs and the cat.

Sometimes solitude is nice. I haven't had much of it...it is hard to do when you have five children and three step children!

Quiet can be nice as well. However, if you're not used to it, it can be a rather uncomfortable thing.

Years ago, when my children's father left me, I had to start taking the children to his apartment. I had been a stay at home, homeschooling mom and almost always had a child...or five...with me at all times. Suddenly, not only was I alone as a newly single mom, but I was faced with "being" alone. I remember dropping the kids off at his home and then struggling for an idea of what to do with my time. The idea of going to a bookstore seemed heavenly to me so off I went. I walked in, past the history section, self help section, psychology section, fiction section....past all the books that most adults would be interested in reading and walked back to where I was USED to going!! The children's section. I pulled up one of those chairs that when you sit in it, your knees are right under your chin and you can't get your legs to fit under the table. I looked around...without my kids...and cried.

That's how it went for quite a long time. (well, I didn't go back to the bookstore for a while...)

I had to find my "place." I had never ever even been in my home ALONE before. I certainly wasn't afraid to be there by myself but the whole idea of being ALONE scared me to death.

I noticed that when I was uncomfortable or nervous about something, I'd play with my wedding ring on my left hand. Of course, it was gone. My marriage, my security, was gone. Even my children were TEMPORARILY gone. I was really ALONE.

I had to learn to reach out to people, let people reach out to me (hard for me to do...accepting help from anyone...) and especially realize that my STRENGTH came from the Lord. I had to reach out to Him and let Him reach out to me.


I was having to remake my life...putting Christ as the HEAD...where He should have been all along. I realized that suddenly, I could really truly have a Christian home for once. I WAS MAKING THE DECISIONS AND I WAS GOING TO HAVE GOD BE THE CENTER OF MY HOME.

THIS IS NOT AT ALL ENCOURAGING DIVORCE....NOT AT ALL!!! NOT AT ALL!!! THE BIBLE IS CLEAR REGARDING DIVORCE. I'm just saying that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't let anyone force you to believe the lie that your life is over or ruined. Our God is an Awesome God! He alone knows what is best for you and He will take care of you.

There were so many things that I learned as a single mother that I would never have learned before...or maybe He has tried to teach me but I wasn't open to learning until then.

There were so many financial miracles that He performed in our hour of need...or hours of need... that I wouldn't have seen or appreciated when I was financially "well off." While I don't ever want to go through that time of my life, I am so happy to know what I now know.

There was a song witten by the late Dottie Rambo that I learned when I was a little girl that I have always loved that seems to sum it up nicely...much better than I could!

"Thank you for the valley I walked through today.

The darker the valley, the more I learned to pray.

Thank you for every lonely night...

I prayed til I knew everything was alright..

And I thank you for the valleyI walked through today!"

Monday, June 1, 2009

God's Goodness

I just finished the first day of training for a new job that I have recently accepted. Truth be told, I have been very very content to stay at home! I am very much a homebody and I love doing all the homemaking things! I love it that my husband can call home and know that I'm there.

However, this job just kind of fell into my lap and we decided that it was something that we needed to investigate since we have been praying about our health insurance situation. We do have health insurance but it is incredibly expensive and just doesn't cover much at all.

This new job will require me to only work 2 days a week (Friday and Saturday), still enable me to homeschool my daughters with me being home with them 4 school days a week. My girls go to their dad's house every Friday and Saturday anyway. I am still able to be blessed by helping my step daughter and her hubby by taking care of their little girl (my ANGEL!) a few hours those 4 weekdays that I will be home! She doesn't need anyone to sit for her on Fridays as their schedule allows them to each have her part of the day! It will also be very good for my husband to spend time with his 12 year old son one on one every Saturday. (since my husband is a former widower, his son lives with us but has to share his Dad with everyone else in our house all week long...) I will be able to provide insurance for our family which will add about $9000 back into my husband's paycheck!! I will be actually providing as much if not more to our family working two days a week than if I was still working fulltime!!! GOD IS AMAZING!!!!!

Why does it surprise me when God shows Himself to me in such an incredible way? We have been praying and worrying (I know...be anxious for nothing...) over the situation when God brought us a way to still give me the desires of my heart...to homeschool, stay home and tend our house and children and grandbaby yet somehow help my husband pay for the insurance. I have been struggling with thinking about going back to work fulltime, taking in daycare children (hasn't worked out well...), or cleaning houses, yet still be obedient doing what I believe God wants for us. I just couldn't figure it all out in my own power. Hmmm...imagine that....


As it all happened, one day a friend told me about "pet sitting" and I thought, "That would be a great way to bring in some extra money..." I have helped people out with watching their home and pets so I thought, "THIS must be what God has planned for me..." THEN, the friend went on to talk about her other job...tending special needs adults and children. She told me about the benefits (WHICH ARE GREAT!!) and I decided to look into it. Within a day of my filling out the application, I had an interview. The days they had open to work were perfect! I still could have EVERY Sunday off...since I said I was not able to work on that day. Soon I was offered the job! Before that week, I wasn't really looking for a job and I had never considered doing that kind of work. In fact, I didn't even know that I was qualified!

I will be working for a faith based organization. At my first training day today I was delighted at how often God was mentioned. My new job will be working for one of the largest and best hospitals in this area but I will be working in the individuals' home tending to their needs, cleaning and cooking for them, and just being their friend! What does God ask of the women in the Bible to do? Be keepers of the home...my home and now these dear souls who I can help... AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!!! It seems like God just saw our need and put together the perfect situation in answer to our prayers.

There are many other things that are just perfect in this job but they're only important to me...God had known the desires of my heart!

When my husband and I started dating, I had a little framed verse hanging above my stove. It read, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

Thank you Lord for answering our prayer even as we were praying about it. It never ceases to amaze me how my God answers prayers in the most unusual way!