About Me

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Indiana, United States
I'm a mother of five of my own children, very blessed adoptive mommy to one, step mother to three! Married to a wonderful man who forgives ALOT! Grammy to 6!I also have the best "kids in law" that I could have! I am blessed to be able to baby sit for our grandchildren a few days a week. I am blessed to be able to NOW stay home full time to take care of our home, children, and grandchildren!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Breaking Heart....

Sometimes things happen that I simply can not understand.

We were told tonight that there are several other families who are trying to get "our" little ones. We are 4th in line with 3 other more preferable, impressive families ahead of us. I was told that they have already started the phone interviews with them and that we would be told what happens. I have a feeling that the adoption specialist we have been dealing with is feeling bad for us...or something. She was almost gushing to me before and then became almost businesslike...as if she knew it weren't going to happen for us.

I was pretty sure that my heart ....having fallen quite hard for these two little angels...was very safe and not going to be broken and that the Lord was going to give them to us. I guess it is possible that we can still be chosen but it doesn't look good. But I know that with God all things are possible.

I've heard about families who have gone all the way through the process and even made trips to Russia...just to get to court to be turned down. What a heart break for them.

I had a miscarriage many years ago and this is what that felt like.

I don't understand it. At all.

There are two things that I can think of to make this a little bit more bearable. The first one is that we have been praying, all along, that the RIGHT home for these precious little ones will be found. It's possible that it is not with us.

The other thing is that WHEN the Lord gives us our child or children, the love we will have for them will be even deeper than it could be if the path was always easy.

Right now I am just feeling so empty. I have so much to be grateful, THANKFUL for, but right now I'm just so very very sad.
I was just so very very very sure.

But in all things, the Lord is GOOD. I don't understand it, but hopefully, some day He will show me why. Maybe when I look into the eyes of the child or children that He gives us, I will see His goodness reflected back to me. I just wish it could be soon....



  1. I'm so sorry, Beth. It is not over until it is over....God knows where these little ones need to be. Perhaps it is with you....but if not, you've already said all that can be said.

    Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you walk this very emotional journey. It is most definitely a journey of the heart.

  2. I'm sorry too Beth but I know that the Lord has everything in hand. You are so blessed to live in the States where adoption is so much easier. Here in Australia it is so much harder, I understand that the barriers really go up and that the red tape is ridiculous if a child with special needs is involved as the State considers such children to be financial burdens. Families get the permission from the other country but then immigration here steps in and puts a stop to it by not issuing a visa. I read of one such story recently in a magazine. They were not a Christian family but were a married couple with much love to give to a child. It had a happy ending - a story full of hope despite the incredible odds stacked against them. I would love to send you this article to read, it is very touching. If you email me your address I am happy to mail the article to you or I can see if I can find it online and send you the link. Just let me know.