No News is Bad News....

We still haven't heard anything from the adoption agency regarding the two little ones. I realize that this is a major holiday week but in light of the fact that this is almost an "emergency" situation and the social worker told me that we needed to work fast, I am thinking that most likely we will not even be interviewed to possibly adopt the children.

Other families have already been contacted and have had conference calls to talk to the people the children are with now.

It's pretty hard right now. I have gone from the joy of thinking we will have the children we have been praying for for 4 years right after Christmas to the ugly reality that we will not get these children at all.

A little finch just landed in a tiny tree just outside my window where the computer is located. The limb where she sat almost leans on the pane of glass so I was able to really see her and I thought how pretty she is, tilting her little head from side to side, bright eyes darting around our back yard. Then I thought how the Bible says that God knows when a sparrow falls and that they do not have to worry about where to live or where to get food. How much more does our Heavenly Father love us?

This is a really hard time for me. I can only think of a few times in my life that I have been so upset. I have spent the last few days asking the Lord, respectfully, why He would put me through this? Why would He lead us in this way just to have "the rug jerked out from under us."
(Yeah, I used that phrase to Him, too.)

I don't know the answer but I do know that He loves us. He loves the little ones more than I do and He knows the very best home for them.

I have often thought, after we adopt and are adoption "savvy", that I would love to have an adoption ministry. I can't imagine having a ministry to people that are hurting if I have never hurt in the same way. What good would I be if everything were always easy?

I had cancer 13 years ago and I know the uncertainty of the diagnosis of malignancy. I can talk to people who have that looming over them.

I have been divorced. I can promise that things get better to those who are going through it now.

I have been abused. I can talk to women who have had the same experiences and shame.

I guess this is something else that I can add to my list. I don't like it very well, but to God be the glory. His GLORY is all that really matters anyway, isn't it?

One of these days, hopefully, I will have a lovely little brown skinned beauty to love and nurture. (Or possibly with skin more the color of my own...it doesn't matter! He or She will be OUR to love and cherish.)

The waiting is just so hard.