I have a funny kind of story about going to my friend's funeral yesterday...if I can find anything funny about that, I will try! So I was running around here yesterday trying to get everything done, getting the cake frosted to take and getting the summer sausage cooked, sliced and placed into a crock pot with barbecue sauce. I had not yet dressed for the funeral or fixed my hair, put in my contacts or put on a dab of make up when my other good friend called. I rushed to the phone, greasy hands and all (being in the middle of the sausage preparation) and my dear good friend asked me if I happened to have any corn chips to take to the funeral meal. She had forgotten to get some and was in the middle of other things as well. I said, "No, but I would be happy to stop and buy some for you!" She was very appreciative. I got back to the food, washed my yucky hands and ran upstairs to try to fix my hair and to dress. I picked out a straight brown dress with a short sleeved jacket and rushed downstairs to load the car with the goodies. I choose NOT to wrap the big cake with plastic wrap because I live pretty close to the church where the funeral was to be and decided that it would make less of a mess if I just carried the cake open. Oh, was I wrong. By the time I got it into the car, I had chocolate ALL over the place...I kept finding it all over my clothes. But, I choose to wipe it off, after all, I had on a BROWN dress and no one would notice! So I ran back in and got the sausage stuff. As I was carrying it to the car, the big serving spoon flipped up and added to my dress. Still, I chose to wipe it off...since I was running late...no one would notice, right? Right!
Let me explain about my dress...it is very long...just above ankle length...but with a very modest slit in the back to allow for movement. WELL....at least it WAS modest until I tried to get into the van..rrrrripppppp!!!!!! I just sat there for a second or two trying to decide what to do. I decided that it surely wasn't THAT bad of a split seam...NO ONE WOULD NOTICE!!! RIGHT??

Off I went, to the local Marsh Grocery store and I ran in to get the chips for my friend. I also realized that I forgot to order funeral flowers and I decided that I would just buy a beautiful floor plant to take with me. As I bent down to pick up a floor plant, I smoothed the back of my dress....or should I say "my Slip!" because the little tear was not so little. The rip had stopped only about 3 inches from my rear end! I then had a slit that went from nearly floor length to my.....ummmm bottom!!!! I immediately hurried to see if I could buy some safety pins and the chips and hurried out to my car...wind blowing, billowing my brown skirt and my big white slip all over the place! Of course, the parking lot was full and, by the way, I live in a fairly small town where you always see someone you know! (I almost ran to the car, pushing the shopping cart ahead of me!) I refused to look up or look anyone in the eye...after all, if you don't see them, they don't see you, right? RIGHT?????????
I raced to the church...late, of course...and made many trips back and forth taking the food and flowers into the church...dress billowing again, of course... Oh by the way, have I mentioned that I am not exactly skinny? My big white slip was trying to cover my full figured frame...Get the picture??

My husband called me on the cellphone as I was trying to get everything into the church. He was not having a very good day at work...one of those days that he knew better than to ask to take some time off to go to the funeral with me. But instead of sympathy from me, when he heard what was happening to his wife, he just kept saying, "Oh my...oh, Honey...."

A lady walked in with me and noticed the torn dress..."Oh dear...." she said.
Oh dear indeed!!!! Indecent, I am sure!
I was able to get to the rest room and pinned up my dress. I rushed into the sanctuary to find a seat...all alone by choice!! By that time, I was burning up, "glistening"....NO, I was just plain sweaty and breathless.

It was one of those decisions that you have to make...either to let it upset you...or laugh about it. I decided to laugh about it...inside. No one would have understood if I sat there at my friend's funeral laughing. However, I am sure, knowing Evelyn as I do, if she were there with me, instead of being with God, she would have been laughing, too! (Actually, she would have been in the restroom with me, trying to help me pin up that huge rip instead of just saying, "Oh dear..."!!)

Maybe I can tell her about it when I get to heaven!!